I know, I know, I've said this before:

But The Walkmen's song The Rat is the Best song. Ever (at least for right now...ha ha). I'm not one hundred percent sure why this song/lyrics affect me so. I can't decide if it's a story about the narrator being angry at an ex continuing to call him for help after she dumped him, but he still has feelings for her. Or, if it's a plea for an unrequited love to see him for his love for her. And the fact that she blindly comes around is making him quite desperate. Either way, or another unexplored/undiscovered interpretation, this song and the Intensity and Desperation of his vocals touches something inside me, making me both sad and comforted (misery loves company, no?). I haven't been affected by a song in this way since Pearl Jam's Black, especially the ending statement: "...I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star/ In somebody else's sky, but why/ Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine?"

Which will probably hold true for me today as back then (again and again and again). My history repeats itself, but with large empty time-gaps between.

But through each rejection, for some reason, deep deep deep down inside under all the pain, sadness, black misery, soggy wet grey blanket, suicidal thoughts, self-hatred, and such, I hold Faith that there is a Star for My Sky; someone to share space in My Cube.

How will I know upon which door to knock? And how will she know to open up?

The Rat
You've got a nerve to be asking a favor
You've got a nerve to be calling my number
I know we've been through this before
Can't you hear me, I'm calling out your name?
Can't you see me, I'm pounding on your door?

You've got a nerve to be asking a favor
You've got a nerve to be calling my number
Can't you hear me, I'm bleeding on the wall?
Can't you see me, I'm pounding on your door?

Can't you hear me when I'm calling out your name?

When I used to go out, I would know everyone that I saw
Now I go out alone if I go out at all

When I used to go out I'd know everyone I saw
Now I go out alone if I go out at all

When I used to go out I'd know everyone I saw
Now I go out alone if I go out at all

You've got a nerve to be asking a favor
You've got a nerve to be calling my number
I'm sure we've been through this before
Can't you hear me, I'm beating on your wall?
Cant you see me, I'm pounding on your door?