Friday, January 21, 2005

It'll be two years, come April 26th 2005...

since I quit smoking. I started around the summer of my 17th year (1988?). That's when I stepped into my High School prime, junior year. Drinking, parties, maybe one date or two, drinking, pot, drinking, um, you get the picture. My socialability quality came to fruition. I became, as my cousin C.A. referred to me years later during some college Christmas break at the Oiler Pub in a complimentary way, "The King of Bullshit." Bullshit in the vein of, when drinking, I could hold a conversation with anyone: the bartender, the factory worker, the punk, the hippie, the jock, the criminal, the weirdo, the princess, and the nerd. Anyone. Even people I hated.

But I digress. This post is about smoking. Or, rather, the absence of smoking. Of not smoking and missing the hell out of it. Yes, it's been nearly two years that I stubbed out my last smoke (April 26th, 8:32 p.m.) and took up the role of Non-Smoker. With only 3 slips at the beginning. And they burned the hairs off my throat: blech!.

On certain days or moments, I can still get the urge for a Camel Light. Rainy afternoons walking. A good cup of coffee outside. A night at the Empty Bottle. Long car rides. Thursdays. You know. When I gave up smoking, it's like I gave up one my genes, one of my characteristics, an important part of me. Sometimes I miss the whole bonding moment at parties or such when a friend is low on smigs and you give them one, or you both sneak out to buy a pack at the nearest 7-11. It was a way to break the ice with women at events. Smoking culture. It also was an excuse for extra breaks at work ha ha ha.

And here is the lovely Bazima waxing nostalgia on the subject much more eloquently than I.

Awwww, a little Sid

"Can you say Anarchy? Can you say Anarchy? Wubba-wubba-cutie-cutie." Posted by Hello

(pic from here)

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

They were my fave (back in the day)















What's your ideal drug?
created with

That's Loner, not Loser





Drama nerd










Ghetto gangsta


What's Your High School Stereotype?
created with

Another nugget about "Lunar Park"

Just found this small, but interesting and telling, blurb about Bret Easton Ellis' latest (coming soon: September 2005) autobiographical/fiction novel, "Lunar Park."

Like Ellis, Jared Paul Stern went to this cool school.

Link---> Archive

Monday, January 17, 2005

Like Her! spied on me

I had the same conversation with Lilly the other night. Posted by Hello

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

I need to cut my hair? Throat? Wrist?

It's getting shaggy. It makes me feel (more) ugly. Two people at work said they liked the way it looked, the way I'm "growing it out to wear it differently." I planned on cutting this week, mowing the lawn so to speak. Figures. Now, if I cut it, it'll appear as if I cut it only to spite them. There was more to the conversation, just too tired to fill you in. Or maybe I'm just being overly self-conscious or paranoid again.

They have a new album out apparently. Too bad I'm broke, I'd buy all their stuff. I'm not not neat.

A friend of mine is in London working on this.

I meet with my Primary tomorrow afternoon before work. Haven't seen her in like 3 weeks (?). I am not looking forward to it for some reason. I feel down. Just want to sleep. At least I'm not getting sick every time I leave the apartment like in the past two years, but I'm not sure if the meds are working enough. I don't know if this Paxil stuff is working. I still feel worthless, ugly, and see No Future. Maybe she can give me more clues on how to change over 25 years of Twisted Thinking.

I am planning on attending a Brunch held by my friends M.C./C.C. Not so much do I relish the idea/concept of Brunch, but I feel I need to attend because if don't they will soon stop calling me at all.

And I can't have that.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Just when you think all's quiet in the 'hood

Someone starts blaring Elton John's "Crocodile Rock." And it's echoing, so you can't tell where it's coming from. And it sounds like their radio is small, but loud. And said loud radio is sitting on the bottom of a coffee can.

Laaaaa-la-la-la-la-laaaaaaa, la-la-la-la-laaaaaaaa...

Monday, January 10, 2005

I weep for Humanity

Sperm Donor TV Show Seems Inconceivable

Just when I thought the reality shows couldn't get any worse, this pops up. I can so not wait until this reality show craze ends. Let's start employing those talented (and now starving) writers for some good, entertaining, intelligent programing.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

This is how I feel today

-----------------------. ------------------------------. -----------------------.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

First Big Snow Day Shout Outs

Holy Snowfall. I knew a lot of snow had fallen the day/night before, but really did have a clue until I went to my car this morning for work. Luckily, I allowed myself at least an extra 15 minutes for window-scraping, car warming and the commute itself.

After plodding through the ankle deep snow to my car, I began the snow-removal-as-car-idles-to-warm-engine routine. Like a freaking foot of snow atop my car that refused to fully fall off under the sweeping motions I made with my window scraper. Scrape window, sweep off roof, sweep off window, sweep off hood, move to next window, repeat infinity. Finally, had enough and jumped in the car and began the back and forth movement needed to get over the hump from the (possible) snowplow that had gone by. Before my first attempt to breach the bulge a car turned the corner and stopped just behind me as my front peeked out into the street. Knowing this would take multiple tries, I waved the car to go by. Instead a man gets out of the car (Dark, older model, maybe an Oldsmobile) and starts pushing my car. 45 seconds later, I toot my horn a couple of times and wave happily to the man as I drive off to work (once I got moving I was afraid to stop and really block his way, plus my window was frozen shut so I couldn't open it and yell many a "Thank you's" to this guy).

So, here I publicly post a heartfelt "Thank You" to the Hispanic/Mexican male wearing blue coat (maybe Hornets) that hit me with a Total Act of Random Kindness on Fargo today. Thank you; you helped me remember that some people are just nice.

My second Shout Out is a Screw You, Get Bent to whomever busted the window and stole the stereo, insurance papers and etc from the car parked ahead of me. I found this out after work as I parked in the same spot from this morning, and met the car's owner as he scraped and swept the snow from his car. He'd taken public transportation that morning to work. I didn't know what to say, just that I didn't hear his alarm go off, that I'd keep an eye out more, that it's a crying shame, and I wished him the best. That sucked, and I'll probably be next.


Mÿ CÜbe Häs Three Sides

Now with "added Ümlautness"

Heavy metal umlaut - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Awwww yeah. Linguistic Head Bangers check this out. Funny, yet educational. I especially enjoy the "Trojan" one.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

I'm going to take Enya's advice

and "Sail away, sail away, sail away..." (I'm going with the Orincoco Flow). That's right, near the end of the month, I'm flying to Florida and boarding one of these bad boys. A week in the Caribbean, stopping at San Juan and other ports 'o call: sun, casinos, old women in bathing suits, booze, shuffle board, waves and waves, fancy dinners with Captain Stubing and Isaac Washington, salty sea air, and God knows what else.

I'm not excited, I'm kind of petrified. No, no, should be a good time, right? It'll be cool, hot, whatever. I'll get a tan and read some books and see hot Caribbean women, right?

I need someone to watch my little Lilly. She'll be as much of a wreck as I.

I have to find a new/another job. I'm freaking out. I didn't get a C4 Doctor's appointment scheduled until really late this month, I'm going to run out of meds. I'm freaking out. I haven't been able to schedule a meeting with my Primary. I'm freaking out. My neighborhood is buried in snow, my commute tomorrow looks to be horrible. I'm freaking out. My apartment is still unmade. My ship ticket didn't arrive via FedEx yet. I'm freaking out. My depression is back like the old (a couple of months ago/always) days. I haven't hooked up my stereo. I am postponing using the oven. I haven't been eating much since New Year's Day. I'm going to run out of money in about 2 1/2 months. I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out. I'm FREAKING OUT!

I'm going to bed.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust


"Another Brickyard in the Wall--The former site of the Brickyard Mall at Narragansett and Diversey is now a spanking new "power center" (or "lifestyle center") with a Target, Jewel, and Chicago's first Lowe's. It's really quite nice, but even nicer are these photos of the mall's demolition. The hosting site, Chuck's Photo Spot, also has plenty of Chicagoland urban exploration pics." (quote from Gapers Block)

I spent the first six years of my Chicago life at this place working for these guys. A bad start, leading to nothing yet better. I haven't visited that area since I got laid-off in 2001. Someone told me the place looks better. I just remember a lot of violent, ignorant, fucko customers. Some cool co-workers and a few interesting regular patrons, but, seriously, a lot of Assholes, Mall Zombies, Shoplifters, Car Thieves, Crackheads, and Gangbangers (and their moms) "What Up, Folks?"

Bye-bye Brickyard.

I'll have mine with "relish"

New York Post Online Edition: news

Monday, January 03, 2005

Ya lookin' @ me? Ya fuggin' lookin' @ me?

Hi, I'm Lilly. Don't I look cute sitting here in Mac's lap?
Now let me go; or I'll kill you. Posted by Hello

My Cube Has Three Sides

You will never see six. Posted by Hello

(maybe someone, someday)

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Happy New Year

I hope everyone had a good time last night, either whispering 2004 a sweet good-bye or howling a rage-filled "Fuck off."

My friend M.B. invited myself and some friends to her parents New Year's Eve Party. They live just outside of Hobart, Indiana in this killer house on maybe an acre of semi-wooded land. Wide open loft-like structure with huge windows looking out across a small creek into a wood. The party took place in the basement: pool table, a TV as big as my apartment, fully stocked bar, banquet table covered in yummy, yummy food (shrimp, beef, chicken, chips, cookies, etc). Nice people, M.B.'s parents friends and M.B.'s family. Her nephews are nice, funny smart little rugrats.

This New Year's Eve will go down in history as THE MOST sober one I've celebrated since I started drinking around age 17. (Holy Barley, 16 years of drinking!) I consumed only 2 Tequila Rapidos, 1 Cement Mixer, 1 Heineken, I glass of Champagne, 1 can of Pepsi, and 1 can of Orange Fanta. Whoo-hoo, I am a party animal! That's cool, hangovers suck hard enough on their own without the addition of waking up at a strangers house (who made a yummy breakfast of French Toast and Sausage Burritos, thanks again M.B.'s parents!).

And I like the way I started 2005: with a walk in a chilly fall woods. It felt right.

Happy New Year.