Thursday, March 31, 2005

One hour until April Fool's Day

Prank me, and I'llabreakayourface! Whatsamattayou!?!? Seriously, not all that in the mood to be pranked. I prank myself a thousand times a day, foolish thoughts and foolish actions; I am the Jester on my own stage. I laugh so hard at my "self" my innards hurt so bad I cry. Oh absurdity of Life: the Knight plays chess with the Devil, but I can't remember where I stored the Board. Strawberries and Cream on a sunny day, you hide from me just on the other side of the horizon.

Some of us die with the whole world watching and fighting, and some die alone, the plug pulled after an hour. Some live creeping creeping creeping along their bedroom wall, rubbing a line along the wallpaper. They just want to go outside. Again. Once.

I sabotage the progress. I add booze to pills, alienation to invitation, laziness to achievement. Self-destruct in the slowest of ways, no one notices, not even me.

Talk about progress, then forget 3 hours later. I realize, at moments, I'm becoming the Past, reviving the Child from a Coma, wiser for the pain he's felt, but even shyer for his Troubles. Twisting, seeing others in deeper than he ever sank, feeling April Foolish for his current parasitic Actions. Never good at Selfish, yet always Selfish. The Coma has left him disoriented and confused. More thought leads to more misunderstanding. I wish for two of me to gauge the Distance we've come. Catalyst.

"Self" created through other's eyes, but what if no one is looking? The mirror lies. 3 sides to every story: yours, mine, and the Truth. But very little makes sense, means anything, feels Real. What is there worth fighting for?

Tomorrow is another Day.

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