I worked tonight from 6- close.
Beforehand, around 5 p.m., I started to feel a little "sick." A touch of that old Anxiety Attack feeling, I could feel it starting in my gut and edging up into my heart and down into my very bowels. Just a touch, mind you, just enough that I knew on was coming on. My stress level has increased the past couple of weeks because my hours are so low, my checks are crazy small and I am seeing a future becoming bleaker and bleaker by the week.
So, on the way to work, somewhere around Dodge and Emerson in Evanston, I dropped half a Clonzepam. It kicked in about the same time I hung up my coat in the stockroom. And it turned out to be a great night.
One of my favorite co-workers/night managers, S.R., closed with us tonight, with Croatian M and B.B.; a fun group. Though slow customer-wise, the ones who did come in were pretty cool, nice and easy-going. Most of the night, I ended up trying to flirt with and make laugh Croatian M. She's fun, cute (looks like a shorter Cameron Diaz with longer, straight dirty blonde hair), mischievous laugh, and compatible sense of humor. Unfortunately, she's like 19 and has a boyfriend, Stoolboy. Whatever, she's cute and fun; she makes the work time go by and boosts my floundering ego a little.
Anyway, the drug had a calming effect on me. My thoughts were controlled, plus the fact I really liked all my co-workers on that night (and the Frantic Boss was absent) and I felt at ease, I felt and acted like the old self I used to somewhat like being around. I laughed whole-heartedly, I made them laugh [while stocking the gadget bins, the office manager P said "gadgets are a pain in the ass," to which I replied in a exaggerated husky, seductive voice, "only if used properly." and the gang cracked up.], I did my job and helped others do there job. I actually liked being at work.
It felt good.
I miss the old me.