Commercials I'd like to see

If I actually saw these on TV, I'd probably do a spit-take with my tea and then promptly wet myself laughing:

When I bite into a York Peppermint Pattie, I get the sensation of the life draining out of a man's body as I crush his windpipe, screaming, "So, I'm a bitch, huh? I'm the bitch? Who's the bitch now? Who's the fucking bitch now, bitch!"

Man, where was this version of the candy in the 1980s while I got bullied now and again.

(From McSweeney's)