To the "Unknown Callers" who clog my voicemail 3 days a week since I moved to this apt.

1. Dear Board of Education: Bruno doesn't give a shit little Johnny hasn't been to school since 2004. Time to write him off as another juvie headed for prison.
2. Virginia? Granny's never gonna call you back. She's dead. I beat her to death with a broom and sold her gold tooth for aspirin.
3. Lawyer Harris: You ain't got shit on me, man.
4. Abdula Mummmumnbula. I will not call you back as soon as I get your messages.
5. Empty messages. Chumps! You waited all the way through my greeting and the beep, the least you could do is leave a dirty message or something.