Thursday, April 06, 2006

All Apologies

I apologize to all (3) of you readers for not posting as of late. Two jobs suck. Add in a sprinkling of depression and too much beer with lack of sleep, and the writing kind of takes a back burner.

Now, no need to freak out (am I talking to myself?), I'm just flowing fine, I suppose. I'm just trying to get a fix on new (old) habits, and I'm still acclimating myself to The Bank. I notice that, after taking employment at The Bank, I can feel myself slipping away, mentally, from The Retail Job. Hell, I snapped at a manager tonight, "Honey" A., the floor supervisor. Surprisingly this hasn't happened long ago, as she has a way of scrapping razor blades across an open nerve. She was just doing her job, but annoyingly. Shitty people skills, yo! Talk to me like a newbie at a job I've been sludging through for nearly four years, and I'll bark a little, you know?

On a better note, I'm still working out representing/getting my friends a show at The John Galt Gallery, inspired by aforementioned events here and here and here. Most of us got together at My Cube for a meet up and swapping of works, just so everyone knew who did what and such. I had fun, and I think it turned out somewhat productive (?).

At least, I got drunk around two in the morning after everyone left (and made it to The Retail Job on time on Sunday). Lots to learn, still, and lots of unanswered questions for The Gallery on behalf of my creative friends *sigh.*

I got to thinking about that mushroom trip again on the way to work: "Dead at 35" and "You're only a hub for others [to pass through]"

I'm 35 now.

But: maybe The Death I tripped was a metaphorical death. The Death of the Me I hate. I may not be creative, inspiring, interesting, or cool, but maybe I'm that guy. The "I gotta guy" guy. I may not succeed in life, but I'm "that guy" that helps others out. I am the hub that people pass through to get to the other side, to where they need to go. Maybe I'm a bridge for others (hopefully, not a floormat.), a stepping stone. I am beginning to see that we are All connected.

In any event:
I'm 35.
I know creative friends.
I'm trying to get a show together for them in June.
I'm used to being alone.
I'm learning/trying to be a better Hub.

I realize that two weeks after I lay down under a headstone, I'll be forgotten, and that's okay. As long as I at least tried to help my friends and tried to make some sort of positive difference in the someone's life.

Those who can't do, teach, right? Or some such shit like that.



sybilsable said...


You seem to forget that you are and have been writing for the past how many months, years now. To which the peeps round the internet can read/understand/comiserate/connect find some one else out there who feels/deals with alla the same crap we all deal with from time to time. no lie.
Give yourself some credit. a lot actually...I do..

Carrie said...

Here! Here!